


Pen-ny For Your Thoughts?

by abigmistake, orphan_account



Series: Pen Snatcher [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Multi, Pen stealing, pens, soon anyway, uh, wink wonk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-06 10:20:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8746654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abigmistake/pseuds/abigmistake, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Alex was getting tired of all these fucking cheap ass pens. They worked in a fancy ass office for fucks sake. Can't anyone afford good pens?"--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Alex didn't think stealing some pens from work was going to lead to t h i s.





	1. Fuckin' cheap ass pens

**Author's Note:**

> oh b o y

Alex slammed his desk as his last pen finally gave up on him. No matter how hard he tried, his pens had lived their lives, and died.

_Man, he was getting tired of these shitty pens. ___

__He eyed the pencil holder in an empty office across from him. Surely, they must have some pens that work, right? But...should He really?_ _

___Fuck yeah _he should.__ _ _

____Alex looked around the hallway and casually made his way to the office across from him. He then looked around once more before grabbing all the pens from the pencil holder and then shoved them in his pocket. He then whistled as he made his way back to his office, closing the door once he got inside._ _ _ _

____Fuck yeah, he just got five new pens. Now it was time to test that they work._ _ _ _

____Alex made a small line with the first pen and let out a small hiss when it stopped working halfway through the stroke. Alex threw the pen in his trash and grabbed the second one._ _ _ _

____He continued this until he realized he threw all his newly borrowed pens into the trash._ _ _ _

____"Fuck!" He placed his hand down and stared a it. Blood is _probably _a good ink....___ _ _ _

______Wait. What was he even thinking? Maybe he should steal more pens...._ _ _ _ _ _

______He stood up, and ran over to Jefferson's office. Perfect. The rich piece of shit probably had loads of pens!_ _ _ _ _ _

______Alex reached Thomas' office and strolled in. He noticed that no one was here._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Fuck yes!" Alex cheered, and did a small fist pump. Alex trotted over to Jefferson's desk and began rifling through it._ _ _ _ _ _

______There, a single pen found._ _ _ _ _ _

_______"What the fuck, Jefferson?" _hissed Alex before grabbing the pen and going back to his office.__ _ _ _ _ _ _

________But one pen is not enough._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He sniffled angrily and went around empty offices to collect more pens._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He was walking to his office, when he got the idea of erasing any evidence people could find._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Wait, Maria worked as the security monitor...right?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Alex quickly made his way to the security room. He reached it and found Maria lounging in the chair, looking at all the security feeds. Alex fixed himself up and causally walked up to Maria._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Maria! Just who I was looking for!" called Alex with a bright smile on his face. Maria turned to him with an eyebrow raised._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"So you're here to try and get me to delete the footage of you stealing all the pens from empty offices, huh?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________His smile faded._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Fuck, how'd you know?" He pouted slightly, although, he shouldnt be surprised, it was Maria, after all._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Maria laughed silently. "I know a lot of things." She shaked her head at that, and hardened her expression._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"So, do you want me to? Or not? Because all this standin' around's doing jack shit."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Alex nodded vigorously._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Could you? Please? I don't want people to get pissed at me for stealing their pens." Alex put on his puppy dog eyes while asking this. He really wanted Maria to say that she would. Alex watched as Maria looked at him and watched as she grinned._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Oh, I can, but! There's a price." Maria had an evil grin on her face as she said this. Alex was slightly scared by her look. Yet he took a deep breath before speaking._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"What's the price?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________She stretched out and folded her arms._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"The price is," She pointed at him. "You! Gotta let the big boss call ya 'son'. And! Let me show everyone!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Alex sputtered and stepped back. "What?! Why?!" What the fuck does Maria need that for?!_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Maria smiled. "Bets are beautiful things."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Alex opened his mouth, ready to retort, then he thought about it. He shut his mouth and looked away._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"...Fine."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________She smiled._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Alex sighed and let his head drop down._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"When do you want me to let him do it?" Alex wanted to die. Damn Maria for having a price._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Mmm, let's do it now. Then after that happens I'll delete it all. Alright?" chirped Maria._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Alex groaned and started walking towards Washington's office. "YOU BETTER KEEP UP YOUR END OF THE DEAL, MARIA!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Alex heard Maria cackle and groaned again. Damn Maria. _Damn her! _____ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Alex then ran into Washington, as he was lost in thought and didn't see him. Alex fell back from the impact and landed on the ground._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He squeaked._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"O-oh hi, um. Mr. Washington."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________George offered him a hand, looking at him with concern._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Are you alright, Alexander? You seem quite uncomfortable."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________No fucking shit. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Oh, I-I'm fine sir! I'm perfectly fine!" He said, taking George's hand._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He brushed off his pants._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"So, what are y-you doing here?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________George still had his eyes filled with concern, but this time, frustration joined it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Someone has taken my pens, so I'm checking to see if I could find someone who has them." He sighed and rubbed his right temple. _"I wanted to write a letter to my queen..." _Alex hears him mumble softly under his breath.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He thinks guiltily about the pens filling his pockets to their limits._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"Uh. Alright. I hope you find them!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He closed his eyes and chuckled and said, "I hope I do to, son." He freezes, realizing what he said._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Alex felt his body tense. He gulped harshly, and forced himself to nod._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He looked away, and bit his lip. He should walk away but..._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"Well... I should go, Dad-"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________What._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________No. He didn't just-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Alex stood frozen in shock and terror. Washington also seemed to be in a still state. Washington quickly recovered though and gave Alex a questioning look._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"Uh, Alex? Did you just-"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Alex jumped and cut Washington off._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"Sorry! I just remember an essay I have to write. Bye!" Alex then ran away from Washington and into his office. He slammed the door shut and let out a sigh._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Maria better have fucking enjoyed that._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	2. Washingdone With This Office

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George wants his fucking pens back.
> 
> and f u c k Thomas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well then,,,

Washington is so tired of his office. All he wanted to do was write a kinky ass letter to his love but someone had to take all of the pens. 

Maybe a walk around the building would calm him down. Perhaps… he might even find some kind of evidence that would show him who stole the pens.

After walking around for a good hour, he decided to see if Alex knew anything.

Now… where would Alex be? Maybe he would be visiting John’s office? It is around lunch time, so that means that John has probably dragged Alex to his office to eat something. Yeah. And if he isn’t there then that probably means he’s in his office working himself to death again.

He should check his office first… He doubts John actually got him to eat, he's been getting more and more stubborn about not eating and working after-hours…

Washington turn the last corner before he reached Alex's office. 

Washington knocked on the door and waited for a second before opening the door and walking into Alex’s office. As soon as he walked in he noticed something was wrong. Very wrong. Alex… Alex had his hand down his pants with a look of terror on his face as he looked at Washington. Washington then quickly turned around and left the office, slamming the door shut behind him and had a disgusted look on his face as he did so.

He really regrets opening that door.

...He should ask someone else. Well, since Alex was...busy, John must have not tried to get him to eat yet.

Maybe he should ask John. Yeah. That seems to be a good idea.

Washington made his way over to John's office and opened the door. He walked in and froze once more. John… John had his hand down Aaron’s pants. Why. Why did he have to walk in on them. Why him of all fucking people?

It certainly did not help when John winked at him and asked if he was going to leave, or if he wanted to watch. 

Washington fled as fast as he could. He did not want to see more than he already did.

He fled even faster as John called out for him to join in once more. He needed to escape his employees. Fucking hell, why did he hire these people again? Whatever. He should find a good place to hide or find someone else to ask about the pens. Let’s see… he could go ask Charles Lee if he knows anything or he could hide in the copier room for a bit… The copier room seems like the better choice for now. Afterall, what if Lee was also having sex?

As he neared the copier room, he started to hear moans and grunts. But still, with the little faith in his workers he had to not fuck in the copier room, he entered.

It took a sharp cry of “DADDY!” from Charles’ mouth and the darkness inside to make him want to cry about how high his worker's sex drives were.

Washington sighed and went to leave and lock the door so no one had to suffer what he went through only for him to accidently hit the light switch on his way out. He screamed because he turned around in a panic and saw everything. 

Charles was bent over the copier with Samuel Seabury right behind him. Wait, what? Sam? He doesn’t even fucking work here. He’s a nurse, isnt he?

He runs back to his office. He can question it later.

Once he gets near his office safely, he rubs his eyes, tired of his employees shit. He should really just ask someone else. Maybe...Thomas? 

He'll just ask Thomas, even if he doesn't know shit, at least he probably won't have to find him fucking someone. 

Washington slowly walk over to Thomas’ office and is relieved to hear no grunts or moans coming from his office. Washington decides it’s safe to just open the door and does so. He opens the door and is relieved to find that Thomas is just chatting with James Madison. God he could cry, he never expected Thomas to be the one that actually didn't disappoint him. Oh wait, pens. That’s important and sorta the reason he came here. Right, no time for crying.

He walked over to the chatting men.

“...Do you two know anything about the pen situation?” 

Thomas’ brows furrowed, while James made a small “ah”. 

“What pen situation?” asked Thomas, clearly confused.

Washington felt an indescribable urge to copy a yellow sponge Alex had shown him months before. 

“The one where all my pens were stolen?” He pointed to other nearby offices, “And many others’ pens were stolen as well?”

Thomas seemed even more confused. Washington watched as Thomas quickly checked a drawer in his desk for something.

“Well… no I didn't know and it seems that my pen was stolen as well. However, I don’t get the big deal of the missing pens? Everything is done electronically nowadays anyway.” said Thomas, nonchalantly, as he leaned back in his chair.

The urge grew more and more unbearable. 

Washington smiled the way he did when he felt like punching someone. 

“...Perhaps. But. I want my. Pens. Back.” 

Washington watched as Thomas raised an eyebrow. 

He wonders how much trouble he would get in for murdering an employee.

“Did you have something planned? Just type it up and change the font so that it looks handwritten before you print it. It’s really not that much of a problem, sir.” 

Washington sighed, wishing his breathing could kill, just for a moment.

“That's...not the point here.” He walked closer to Thomas and James. “You will find who stole these pens, and tell me.” 

Thomas sputtered. “Sir! Why should we-”

“I meant only you Thomas.”

Washington watched in slight amusement as Thomas flailed around in attempts to convince him to not have Thomas go searching for the pen snatcher. Washington then turned around and walked away from Thomas.

“I expect a report in three days Jefferson!” Washington yelled to Thomas as he walked out of his office


	3. Ink, And The Fucking of Objects (Not Really)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ink on his hands led to some rather...spicy accusations

Alex just had the worst encounter of his life.

Not only has he called Washington “Dad”, he was just walked in on, with his hand down his pants.

Alex was ready for this day to end. Well… at least there’s one thing that he could count on to make his day. Alex got out of his seat and made sure the pens were in a locked drawer before walking out of his office and directly into Thomas’. He then proceeded to slam his hand down on Jefferson’s desk.

“Hey Macaroni and Cheese fucker!” exclaimed Alex, with a large grin on his face.

Thomas turned in his chair and cringed. God. He hated that nickname Alex gave him. 

“What.” 

Alex grinned and pushed his face closer to Thomas’ face.

“What? You having a bad day or something Macaroni and Cheese fucker?” asked Alex, trying his best not to laugh.

Thomas rolled his eyes. He put on the fakest smile he could muster.

“No. Not until you showed up.” He added quietly, “...asshole.”

“Great to know that my dreams of making your day worse are coming true!” exclaimed Alex, waving around his hands as he said this, not realizing one hand was covered in black ink.

Thomas snickered as he saw the ink. He heard some rumors that Alex had been caught by Washington jerking off earlier. 

“Didn't realize you dream about fucking pens.”

Alex froze and looked at Thomas, confused.

“What do you mean I dream about fucking pens?” asks Alex, his voice having an irritated tone to it.

Thomas laughed, enjoying that at least, he could find one fun thing to do today.

“Oh, y’know. I heard, Washington walked on you jacking off with pens.”

“What?! I was not- why would you-” Alex was waving his hands around and noticed that was was covered in ink, “oh. Ooohhh. Well, heh, I need to wash my hands… bye Macaroni and Cheese Fucker!”

As Alex ran to the bathroom to wash his hands, he heard Thomas cackle. 

“Fuck.” He needed to prevent anymore people from believing he was jerking off in his office. 

Alex quickly turned on the water as soon as he got into the bathroom and locked the door. He proceeded to drown his hands in soap and attempted to scrub the ink off. He kept scrubbing until fifteen minutes passed and his hand still wasn't completely ink free.

Well shit.

What was he going to do? 

“Fuck Thomas…” It was probably his fault for putting the idea into people's heads. He couldn't be known as “Alexander Hamilton, The Greatest Pen Fucker to Ever Live” 

That was not going to be his legacy.

He planned to his best to keep this from ever becoming his legacy. Well… he would as soon as he finished cleaning his hand. Ink was surprisingly hard to wash off. Maybe he should try and invest in some washable ink pens? No. That was stupid, after all what if his paper accidently got wet!

Alex continued to scrub at his hand until all of the ink finally washed off.

Finally.

* * *

As Alexander left the bathroom, he thought of ways to take his revenge on Thomas. He hated people laughing at him. 

What could he do… Maybe he could photoshop Thomas fucking a bowl of mac and cheese? He still has that nude that Thomas accidently sent him…. Nah, he’s already done something similar to that. What if he fucked James? That would piss Thomas off… but James probably would reject that offer right away… Wait. Yes! Perfect! He’ll frame Thomas as the one who stole all the pens!

Now...how will he do that.

...Perfect! He’ll throw all the pens into his room!

Bah, that’s too simple… it has to have flair… 

He’s got it! He’ll break a few of them and let the ink pour on some of his shit! 

Aw man! What if he also does the same to James’ room, make the pair seem as the culprits!

He gave himself a pat on the back.

Man, he was great at making plans.

Now, when the fuck will he do this, his lunch break had already passed…

Hm… maybe he could break in during after hours? Yeah! He’ll just break in sabotage James and Thomas and then delete the footage of him doing so by sneaking into the security room. He’ll also have to use an Uber due to the fact that if he uses his car it’ll be suspicious.

But...how will he do this without Washington finding out it was him. He needed to plan this out perfectly. Revenge was nice, but keeping his job was much nicer. 

Well… shit. What if he… wears heel or pumps and a black mask and keeps the footage of him doing it there? No… that wouldn’t work. What if he… What if he cashed in a favor from Hercules and have him do it dressed up as James? That should work…

Maybe he should have just sticked to his first plan…

He shrugs. Well then, he might as well see if he can get Herc to do him a favor.

Alex pulled out his phone and pressed the call button to call Herc. He waited as it rang until Herc finally picked up on the fourth ring.

“Hercules! My man! How’s it going?” Alex asks in a cheerful, nonchalant tone.

“Good? Alex...aren’t you supposed to be working right now?”

“Technically, yes. But! I have something important come up and I need to know whether you’d be willing to help me out!”

“...Alright. What is it?” Alex could hear the grin in his voice.

“So… I was planning on breaking…” Alex proceeded to fill Herc in on his plan, making sure not to skip any part of it. 

“And that’s my plan!” finished Alex.

There was a moment of silence.

Then,

“Alright, I'll do it.”

Alex smiled brightly.

“That’s great man! So, i just need you to meet up at my house tonight so we can go over the plan, alright?”

“Alright, my dude.” 

Alex did a quick farewell to his friend, and hung up.

Man, this day was going great! Now it was time for him to head home to make sure everything is ready. Alex made his way towards the office exit when he heard something that made him freeze in his tracks.

“Did you hear? Apparently Alexander Hamilton fucks pens!”

“Damn dude, really? I knew he was weird but damn!”

Alex had to restrain himself from punching whoever was talking about him.

But… would it really be that bad if he did punch them?

Yeah. It probably would be…

Alex instead strode over to the person and tapped them on the shoulder, preparing to curse them out instead of punching them.

Said person took one look at him, and burst out in laughter. Alex fumed.

“Man, fuck you.”

“Nah, I'm much more sure you want to do that to your pens.”

Okay… maybe punching would be a good idea… no. He has to refrain.

“Really? I happen to just have spilled a bottle of ink over my hand, not jack off with some pens, asshole!”

“Wow.” They waved their arms around, mocking Alexander, “I can't believe you use ink as lube to shove pens up your ass.” 

Refrain from punching them. That’s all he had to do.

“Why don’t I shove some fucking pens up your ass, fuckface!”

“Alexander!” 

Oh shit. 

It was Washington.

Alex was fucked.

“Oh! H-Hi, sir! How’s it going!”

Maybe if he played off as innocent and clueless he’d be fine.

Washington glared at him.

Fuck.

“Alexander, why have I been hearing you threaten your co-worker?”

Whelp. Time for plan B.

“Sir! He was accusing me of using ink as lube to stick pens up my ass! I find it outrageous that one would even suggest such a dirty and horrible thing!”

Nice.

“...Alexander, did I not just hear you say you were going to shove pens into...him?”

“N-no?” Denial was sure to work, right?

Washington glared at Alex, unimpressed.

Well, shit. He tried.

“Alexander. Tell me the truth.”

Alex shrunk a bit.

“...Yeah.”

Washington sighed.

“Don’t. Just. Don’t do that again Alexander. And… take the rest of the day off, i’m sure the office is in need of a break from you.”

Alex felt as though he should probably have been offended by that but just nods. It helps with his  
plan after all.

“Alright sir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> w o ah  
> -beeni

**Author's Note:**

> O H B O Y


End file.
